Adam Carolla Complains About Technology

Moving on from electric cars, I prompt Adam to give his thoughts on the newest fad: 3D. The professional that he is, he takes the idea and expands it to talk about technology as a whole, and our collective insatiability.

Again, it's NSFW, so turn down the sound if your cubicle is next to Martha Stewart's.

Fans who are eager to see him do his show LIVE can buy tickets for his shows in the LA area, or check him out when he's on the road in May. He'll be in the Bay Area on May 20 at Cobb's, and the late show still has tickets available. You can order here.

You can also get daily Adam Carolla over at his podcast, which you can also subscribe to on iTunes.

Check back tomorrow for another dose of Adam complaining about tech. [Adam Carolla]

Send an email to Jason Chen, the author of this post, at jchen@gizmodo.com.

At Mobicip.com, we work with schools deploying iPod Touch-based 1:1 learning programs for their students. That is how I heard about a high-school student campaigning for the use of technology in education. I believe his voice should be heard, and this interview is my contribution towards that end.

For the benefit of people who are not aware, what is iSchool Initiative?

iSchool Initiative is a student-led non-profit organization dedicated to bringing technology to the classroom. We have three objectives – raising awareness for the technological needs of the classroom, providing collaborative research on the use of technology in the classroom, and guiding schools in the implementation of this technology.

Can you describe that “aha” moment when you came up with this concept?

After receiving an iPhone for Christmas in 2008 I began exploring the use of applications, and particularly how I could use them to help with my school work. I was amazed at all the many wonderful things I was discovering. One day, I was using my iPhone in class when something hit me. What if everyone in my class had one of these? What possibilities would there be then? In my excitement and desire to share my discovery with everyone, I made a YouTube video to share what I had found. I called it the iSchool Initiative. From that point on, I expanded the concept, did my research, and found out that this idea was catching on. Thus the iSchool Initiative was formed.

What is your vision and goal for iSchool Initiative?

The iSchool Initiative is established as the go-to place for educators, schools and students interested in developing and utilizing cutting-edge technology in classrooms. Our goal is to develop a global brand known to every school, educator and student around the world. We want the iSchool Initiative to be a reliable source people rely on to learn about the best-of-the-best in educational hardware and software!

Have you faced skepticism due to your age? What is your response to naysayers?

Absolutely. Naysayers are everywhere, many of my friends included. Many see my age as a hindrance on running a non-profit and bringing about the change I am striving for. Many also say that what I am attempting to accomplish is impossible.

Age is my advantage. I am my own target audience and I understand what my generation wants and needs better than the older generations. I am in the perfect position, using my lack of wisdom to my advantage. The older you get, the more impossible you think something may be and the more society tells you that you can't achieve it. I am under the impression that anything is possible and if I put my mind to it I can make it happen.

We know that several schools and administrators are big fans of iSchool Initiative. Did this come as a surprise to you?

At first yes. When I originally made my first YouTube video I thought nothing of it and saw it as just some idea I had. Watching it grow and seeing the feedback I received was nonetheless inspiring. After doing more research and developing my concept more, I realized I had really stumbled upon something here.

Can technology solve the problems with education today? Will replacing a backpack with a computer solve all the problems?

Technology can solve a lot of the problems in education, but it is not a fix-all solution. The thing people need to remember is when to use technology and when to not use it. We at iSchool Initiative are trying to help solve this by researching as students ourselves as to what works and what doesn't. I can tell you first hand, my iPhone and iPad have changed my college life for the better, helping me stay organized and improving my grades significantly.

Studies about 1:1 learning programs have been inconclusive on the benefits of such programs. As a student, what is your perspective on that? What are we missing in the big picture?

I believe what is missing is the student perspective. Most of the time, students are told how they should learn and what they should use to do it. Creativity is key and students need to learn how they could enjoy learning. Again, this is why I believe so strongly in iSchool Initiative. People have been waiting for students to rise up and take initiative to do something about their own education. In short, while 1:1 programs are indeed effective, what is missing is more help and ideas from students.

As a student, do you find teachers and administrators in schools receptive to the change you are advocating?

Some welcome it, while others reject it. I will tell you from personal experience, about 1 out of 5 of my college professors are against using technology in the classroom. The professors who are opposed to it have good reasons, saying they have way too many students on Facebook than taking notes. While this is an issue there are ways around this. I believe that if students are not paying attention in class, they will pay the consequences later. However, after showing professors how I use my iPad in class to take notes, etc. they allow me to use my devices and are excited to see what I can do. (I tend to show off my iPad a lot and most of the time, it makes whomever I am showing it to want to go buy one!)

iSchool Initiative is a non-profit. How do you intend to work with likes of Apple/Google and app developers?

Apple and Google, in my opinion, provide the best and cheapest tools to improve education. We at iSchool Initiative are advocating their products to schools and would like to eventually work directly with these companies to help schools receive discounts for their tools. We are also partnering with applications developers who have great educational applications. We brand their apps with the iSchool stamp of approval in order to help students, educators and schools know where to find the best educational apps.

In your mind, what should the classroom of 2015 look like?

Paperless, efficient, with room for creativity, uniqueness, and fun. A classroom should be the place for students to open their minds and also express themselves. A class in 2015 should not be printing anything and be using devices like the iPad for almost everything. While writing on paper would still be necessary, much can be done with technology and more efficiently.

Thanks for the great questions!

Travis Allen was interviewed by Suren Ramasubbu over phone and email.

As a high-school student, Travis Allen developed a non-profit helping schools learn how to incorporate technology in their classrooms. He is now a college student at Kennesaw State University managing a 15-member student team who run seminars, market the initiative, develop applications, and maintain a social network of schools and students. Travis has created team management sites, runs a popular blog, helped hundreds of students learn, and created YouTube videos inspiring tens of thousands of students and educators. He has successfully lead his team and developed a sound structure for his non-profit to expand.

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You know what they say. It's fun while it lasts, but eventually, the stress of being an adulterous, Nazi-loving jackass is bound to catch up with you.

James, whose cheating on Oscar winning wife Sandra Bullock has been well documented and led to her filing for divorce, is feeling really stressed!

This week, the biker seemed to ket his emotions to get the better of him, physically lashing out at celebrity gossip media trying to take his picture.

James later apologized to the shutterbug, coming out of his office in person to approach the man, blaming his behavior on feeling “stressed out.”

“I thought he was going to yell at him,” said a witness. “But Jesse said, ‘Hey man, I’ve been kind of stressed out lately. Sorry if things have been getting kind of heated between us. I know you’re just trying to do your job.”

Jesse James is going through some tough times!

“'If you could just try not to get in my face too much. Just keep a respectful distance, everything is cool.' Then they shook hands. It was very cool.”

The dude is also attempting to repair his image, although a simple handshake and apology isn't likely to smooth the Jesse James Nazi photo over.

He does have a master plan to make us forget Michelle McGee, though.

A source hilariously tells Radar Online, “There’s a lost Chihuahua that has been hanging out around Jesse’s office for the last two days and Jesse has been trying to lure the dog over to him so he can get him back to his owners.”

LOL. Whatever it takes, right? “Jesse even bought a hamburger and held it out for the dog, but every time he got close, the dog ran away.”

Sandra Bullock can relate.

After studying the interactions of human and animal populations in Africa, Kathleen Alexander, associate professor of wildlife science in Virginia Tech's College of Natural Resources, found powerful evidence of how human behavior can influence the emergence of infectious disease in humans and animals.

Although human behavior is frequently cited as a factor that influences disease emergence events, most behavioral research has focused on the pathogen, the reservoir hosts (animals populations that maintain the pathogen in the environment), or the vectors (agents that transmit pathogens from host to host) of infectious disease. To demonstrate the relationship between human behavior and pathogen emergence, Alexander (http://www.fishwild.vt.edu/faculty/alexander.htm) examined how different human behaviors influence disease transmission between domestic dogs and the African wild dog, an endangered species, in Kenya and Botswana. In Africa, the domestic dog is thought to be the primary source of canine diseases leading to the decline of African wild dog populations.

In the journal article, “Human behavior influences infectious disease emergence at the human-animal interface,” (http://www.esajournals.org/doi/pdf/10.1890/090057) published in the Ecological Society of America's Frontiers in Ecology and the Environment (http://www.frontiersinecology.org/), Alexander explains the significant differences in ranging behavior that she found in domestic dogs in Kenya and Botswana, which parallel the differences in disease-related mortality in African wild dog populations. The majority of domestic dogs in Kenya spend the day with grazing cattle, accompanied by herders, whereas in Botswana, most domestic dogs remain in the village, since cattle are normally left to graze unattended. As a result, African wild dogs have much higher disease mortality rates in Kenya, where they have more contact with domestic dogs.

These range differences in domestic dogs are associated with animal husbandry practices that vary between cultures. Using this investigation and similar cases in which human culture has influenced disease emergence, Alexander illustrates the implications of human behavior on infectious disease research and control, and explains how some animal illnesses can be spread to humans. “By promoting infectious disease emergence, human behavior may be the key that unlocks the proverbial Pandora's Box, allowing infectious diseases to emerge,” Alexander remarked.

“We are increasingly seeing the threat that zoonotic disease emergence [animal diseases that can be passed to humans] poses to human health. One of the key drivers of emerging infectious disease is human behavior. What people do and how they do it in their environment will strongly shape the risk of pathogen exposure,” Alexander said. “We need to better understand human culture and behavior in this context so we are better able to predict where the next pandemic might begin. At present, we can only wait for the next outbreak.”

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Ila Cauble

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Cepia's Zhu Zhu Pets, the whimsical motorized hamsters that conquered during last year's holiday shopping season, are coming back strong in 2010. Really, really strong: Meet Kung Zhu Battle Hamsters, the militant hamster arm of Zhu Zhu, replete with elements “that appeal especially to boys,” according to Russ Hornsby, CEO of Cepia.

The new line will feature Special Forces, Ninja Warriors, Rangers, and the Skull Tribe Battle Hamsters, along with attendant battle gear, vehicles, and training arenas.

Training? According to the company:

Prior to their “training,” you might mistake the Kung Zhu squad for a traditional Zhu Zhu Pet. They dart around, scurry from place to place, and coo and squeak based on the unique environment they encounter. But all that changes when the hamsters encounter the magical “Tablet of Zhu,” a special training ground that transforms the Zhu Zhu Pets into Kung Zhu Special Forces or Ninja Warriors, ready to do battle against each other.

You only have to look in that box titled “AMERICAblog Reader Pets” in the upper right hand corner of this site to see how much we all love their pets. We've received hundreds and hundreds of pet photos — and they keep coming. Last week, John — finally — joined the rank of pet owners. So, all the animal lovers should read this article from today's New York Times about dogs who have come to the aid of vets dealing with PTSD:

The dogs to whom they credit their improved health are not just pets. Rather, they are psychiatric service dogs specially trained to help traumatized veterans leave the battlefield behind as they reintegrate into society.

Because of stories like these, the federal government, not usually at the forefront of alternative medical treatments, is spending several million dollars to study whether scientific research supports anecdotal reports that the dogs might speed recovery from the psychological wounds of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

In dozens of interviews, veterans and their therapists reported drastic reductions in P.T.S.D. symptoms and in reliance on medication after receiving a service dog.

The article is really worth a read. And, hat tip to Senator Al Franken:

Under a bill written by Senator Al Franken, Democrat of Minnesota, veterans with P.T.S.D. will get service dogs as part of a pilot program run by the Department of Veterans Affairs. Training a psychiatric service dog and pairing it with a client costs more than $20,000. The government already helps provide dogs to soldiers who lost their sight or were severely wounded in combat, but had never considered placing dogs for emotional damage.

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Diedra Foxwell

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I realize how many people could think about the submissive bullcrap, especially with the Princess Leia connotation. But, I guess as someone who is turned OFF by bondage, or sadism (I wouldn't get aroused by hurting the guys who beat women, since I got so graphic describing how I would do it, it would just be what they deserve), or masochism, I've never seen that. Not with Leia (I guess I was too interested in letting that metal bikini usher me into puberty, than to get my rocks off that she was chained & helpless – in my opinion, that's just sick), and certainly not with this. I felt NO dominance over one of my best friends, and she felt NO submission to me. Like she said – it wouldn't be ANY different for the point of the costume if it were Superman in the collar. But it would SO totally be different for those who are wagging their fingers at us. Which is hypocrisy.

And, Michael, you'd be right about “sending kids a bad message”, if any kid had reacted any way other than “Lex, you're a bad man, let her go”. If anything, I think we sent the RIGHT message to the children. Not a single one was rooting for me, or relished in her incarceration. I even said at one instance that a kid's mother (who was laughing when her son came over and shook his head at me disapprovingly) was “definitely raising him the right way.” Heck, one little girl even nearly broke our plastic chain, trying to yank it away from me.

Plus, I'm with you about how alot of the guys who wanted to hold the chain for their pictures had something wrong with them. THEY got the wrong idea, in a similiar way that you did, only with a different reaction. And, never ONCE did she and I take a picture for ANYbody, or even “joked around behind the scenes”, where my hand was raised against her. One of our friends did, and we both scowled at him, shaking our heads. My “look what I caught” was exactly because of what she said – she was bait for Superman. Lex is evil. Should we have been holding hands & skipping? Lex exposes Kara to Kryptonite, “defends himself” from getting his skull crushed in, and plans to let her go, once her cousin is in the collar. The second she gets far enough away from them, her wounds HEAL. Something which WOULDN'T happen to any damage the human Lex sustained.

Maybe you should've followed us around more, not only to witness these occurrences, but to also overhear ME come up with the idea of reversing the roles, and “having Lex beat to sh**”. Even ripping the suit in such a way to expose my real Superman tattoo, and “reveal Lex's hidden shame”. There was never an intention of humiliation for her, but I was purposely asking for it for me (but, again, not in a sexual way. Get your minds out of the gutters, and maybe you wouldn't think that other people's are in them).

Instead, we get accused of being Hank & Janet Pym. “Now with backhanding action!” *roll eyes*

Big Ben Acted Like A Dog And Vice Versa

A police dog donated by Ben Roethlisberger has been suspended for an unwanted assault on an underage girl while kicking back after work. But where would the dog learn such behavior?

The Ben Roethlisberger Foundation does great work, donating money to police departments to purchase, train and maintain K-9 units. That's a great cause, and Ben does good work. So let's get that out of the way.

But the fact that one of his donated dogs got fired for inappropriate behavior? When it rains, Ben, it pours.

Alleghany Township's Supervisors voted unanimously to retire Cezar, the German Shepherd, after he bit a 9-year-old at a “non-police event.” You're off the force, kid! You're a loose cannon!

Cezar's not without his supporters. In a display of semantics reminiscent of the debate over the meaning of the word “rape,”

Residents who spoke in favor of keeping the dog on duty included Mabel Mazza, who questioned if the action should be considered a bite, since the youngster's skin wasn't penetrated.

This whole thing sounds like a very special episode of Poochinski.

Snappy police dog voted off Allegheny Township force [Valley News Dispatch]

Send an email to Barry Petchesky, the author of this post, at barryp@deadspin.com.

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Noella Thill

Ruckus

@Church Lady:
I haven’t had to do this with a pet but I’ve been through this with 3 people and the pain of ongoing treatment that just extends the pain for all doesn’t seem to be all that humane.
Both my grandfather and sister died of cancer. Grandfather 36 yrs ago and once diagnosed he only lasted for 2 weeks. My sister fought for 6 years, 2 remissions, but in the end she decided against fighting any longer. It hurt losing my best friend and sister but it was the best thing for her. My dad had Alzheimers and suffered for 10 yrs. In the end I had to decide to put him in hospice or extend his life for what would have been a relatively short time. I felt then and have not changed my mind in the least that hospice was the most humane thing I could do for him. Of course this is not the best decision in every case but I think the quality of life is as an important determination as the length of life. Please remember that in all of these situations life would have only been lengthened a couple of weeks to maybe 2 months. And they would have been the most pain filled times of their lives.
Please take this only as my experiences, in these specific instances, not as a cautionary tale. And that I would be devastated if it was my dog we are discussing.
Best of luck to you.

Everyone\'s a critic: one of our panelists gropes for a sniff of biscuit.Photo: Jason Houston

I've got a bone to pick with conventional dog biscuits. Like commercial dog food, they are made with un-green or even potentially dangerous ingredients. Surely, they're unworthy of a companion who greets your return from the mailbox with nothing less than rapture.

But are the spendy, natural and/or organic versions worth the price of reducing Rover's carbon pawprint? Will your dog eat them, or even prefer them to cheap, commercial Milk-Bones?

Our esteemed critics are ready for their treats. Photo: Jason HoustonTo find out, I grabbed some Milk Bones (for comparison purposes) and higher-quality (even organic!) biscuits to test whether dogs prefer one over the other. Then I assembled a canine tasting panel. For scientific purposes, I went for a range of dogs across age groups and breeds. My four-legged panel includes:

• Burn: a ten-year-old, painfully sentient, ball-obsessed Border Collie.
• Lulu: a two-year-old cartoonishly cute Cockapoo with a high-pitched bark that could sever one's auditory nerves.
• Sugar Ray: a beanbag-shaped, geriatric Pug with a seriously deviated septum.
• Austin: a handsome seven-year-old Australian Shepherd with glacial eyes.

The plan was to give each dog a choice: Milk Bone or fancy biscuit?

I also managed to talk the dog's adult owner-companions into joining in the taste-test. Don't wrinkle your nose — the “eco” biscuits in this taste-off were of higher quality than most of the stuff found in school cafeterias. Personally speaking, I've eaten many dog biscuits on a dare during my childhood, which explains why I have great teeth and a glossy coat.

Our mixed panel of beasts — canine and hominoid — found:

Wagatha's Super Berry Biscuit

Ingredients: Whole millet flour, dark rye flour, barley flour, oat flour, canola oil, whole eggs, brown rice flour, flax seed, quinoa, sunflower seeds, apples, cranberries, carrots, blueberries, apple cider vinegar, alfalfa, rosemary, allspice, ginger, calendula.

Price: $7.99 for 9 ounces

These small classically bone-shaped, USDA certified 100 percent organic treats from Vermont are pretty much vegetarian, though not vegan. Lulu clearly preferred this treat over the Milk Bone and Austin, the Aussie, consumed it with little chewing. Sugar Ray backed away from the bowl and observed the biscuits from a safe distance. Burn, perhaps searching for her tennis ball, left the room. The humans thought these treats smelled like “berries and bacon” and “tea.” Taste-wise, the humans were pleasantly surprised. “I've had things at the health food store that taste like this!” Another taster thought he detected “sundried tomato.” Wrong!

Newman's Own Organics Salmon & Sweet Potato dog treat

Ingredients: Barley flour*, ground salmon, sweet potatoes*, carrots*, apples*, chicken fat (preserved naturally with mixed tocopherols and lecithin), rolled oats, rosemary extract. (*certified organic)

Price: $4.29 for 10 ounces

Okay, so a few ingredients here are organic and that's cool, but what's up with the conventional salmon? I know that Newman's Own Organics is trying to do the right thing, but surely they know about environmental hazards of farm-raised salmon. The dogs were not impressed with the cutesy heart shape, or, surprisingly, the fishy smell. The Pug could not be enticed even when the biscuit was waved in front of what passed for his nose. Only the Aussie was game (he pulled both bones, the Newman's and the Milk Bone control, out the dog dishes and gobbled them). Most of the hominid tasters meanwhile were repulsed. Two ran to the sink to flush their mouths. “It's like the cardboard the fish was stored in!” said one taster. “It gets worse with saliva,” said another. But one taster chomped approvingly and said, “I like salmon!” (It should be noted that, while in Africa, said taster once drank goat's blood directly from the animal's neck.)

Mr. Barky's Vegetarian Dog Biscuits

Ingredients: Wheat flour, whole oat groats, whole ground brown rice, whole ground yellow corn, whole barley, soy flour, sunflower oil (preserved with mixed tocopherols), calcium ascorbate (source of vitamin C), yucca schidigera extract, vitamin E supplement, vitamin A acetate, vitamin D2 supplement (calciferol), D-pantothenic acid, niacin, pyridoxine hydrochloride (vitamin B6), riboflavin supplement, thiamine mononitrate, vitamin B12 supplement, biotin, zinc amino acid chelate, calcium amino acid chelate, copper amino acid chelate, iron amino acid chelate, cobalt amino acid chelate, sodium selenite.

Price: $5.99 for 21 ounces

We all know that dogs aren't vegetarian. What I think is going on with these biscuits is that, by avoiding potentially creepy animal ingredients, owner-companions can assuage their own guilt. Although vegetarian is the greenest way to go for the planet, a veggie bikkie may leave your dog pining for the backyard squirrels. Sugar Ray took an unenthusiastic whiff at this multivitamin-posing-as-snack and hit the ground. Lulu seemed unable to smell it at all. (She wagged her stumpy tail and circled the bowls suspiciously.) True to form, Austin ate it while the Milk Bone was still in his mouth. The human tasters were unenthused, comparing these bix to “straight-up cardboard,” and “Zwieback teething biscuits” and, most damningly, “like Ryvita!”

Harmony Farms Health Bars with Apples & Yogurt

Ingredients: Oat flour, pearl barley, rye flour, oatmeal, dried egg, apples, blueberries, yogurt, oat fiber, chicken liver, flaxseed, salt, calcium carbonate, dicalcium phosphate, chicken fat (preserved with natural mixed tocopherols), carrots, cinnamon.

Price: $4.29 for 18 ounces

Health bars … really? With non-organic chicken liver and fat? And WTF are “natural mixed tocopherols”? At this point in the tasting the Burn started looking despondent and went on a hunger strike. The clearly well-fed Pug lay down again, either out of boredom or because of aching joints. Lulu sniffed, snubbed and cocked her cute little head as if to say, “I do not understand your silly species.” Austin, on the other hand, sniffed at the Milk bone and then clearly chose the Harmony Farms bar. The humans, meanwhile, were ready to serve these with tea. “Almost cookie-like!” enthused one, while another concurred “like an unsweetened graham cracker.” One mother's comment: “This is like something I'd make for the kids, but without the rendered chicken fat!”

Organix Organic Dog Cookies, organic peanut butter flavor

Ingredients: Organic chicken, organic peas, organic brown rice, organic oats, organic barley, organic chicken fat naturally preserves with mixed tocopherols (form of vitamin E) natural chicken liver flavor, organic natural peanut butter flavor, organic flaxseed, rosemary extract.

Price: $5.69 for 12 ounces

Right off the bat I wondered, why peanut butter flavor and not actual peanut butter? I mean, how freakin' hard is it to put peanut butter in the batter? The dogs must have wondered this, too. Austin was the only dog who ate this biscuit. Lulu pranced away, Sugar Ray seemed close to death, and if Burn had opposable thumbs she — convinced that she was being subjected to this because she had done something truly horrible — would have committed seppuku. At this point we offered her a choice of all of the biscuits, and she rolled her Jesus-like eyes to the ceiling (Forgive them father, they know not what to eat). The bipeds, meanwhile, agreed on the extremely crunchy texture but deemed this cookie “not peanut buttery” and tasting like “dog food smells.” Zinger: “It tastes like something you'd have at a Super Bowl party in the suburbs.”

Milk Bone Medium Dog Biscuits for Dogs 20-50 pounds

Ingredients: Wheat flour, wheat bran, meat and bone meal, milk, wheat germ, beef fat (preserved with tocopherols), salt, dicalcium phosphate, natural flavor, calcium carbonate, brewers dried yeast, malted barley flour, sodium metabisulfite (used as a preservative), vitamins & minerals (choline chloride, zinc sulfate, vitamin E supplement, D-calcium pantothenate, vitamin A supplement, copper sulfate, ethylenediamine dihydriodide, riboflavin supplement, vitamin B12 supplement, vitamin D3 supplement).

Price: $3.49 for 26 ounces

With the exception of Austin, all of the dogs snubbed these iconic treats. A few human tasters patently refused to put them in their mouths. Those brave enough to try this courtesy-of-the-rendering plant treat were rewarded not with fresh breath, but with something “salty and chickeny” and “like wet fur” and most strangely, “like a taste bomb–an exploding harpoon.”

The Bottom line

Let's be honest here: Canine taste-tests are for purely for entertainment. Dogs' taste preferences range from super-fussy to so undiscriminating that they will eat road kill, litter box contents (“Almond Roca”) or even their own feces. That said, the winner of this particular taste test was Wagatha's, based on the fact that two out four dogs ate them. The humans, meanwhile, seemed to actually enjoy the Harmony Health Bars and the Wagatha's. (And really, aren't many of the choices we humans make for our dogs about us, not them? Hence those humiliating dog pajamas, breath spray, canopy-style dog beds, Halloween costumes-need I go on?) The bottom line is that owner-companions should carefully read ingredients, avoid the potentially scary and environmentally bad stuff (the generic meats, animal byproducts, digest and meals that are the consequences of factory farming, HFCS, artificial dyes, preservatives and cheapo grain fillers like corn and rice), and make a choice based on your dog's fussiness level. Also, consult your vet about your dog's specific needs.

Lastly (you regular readers know what's coming) … if you want to save money and avoid stepping into a big ole pile of carbon caused by shipping and packaging story-bought dog snacks, follow Umbra's advice and bake your own treat. 

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Von Hollo

Katherine Heigl was in New York Thursday night to be honored by the ASPCA and was talking about new daughter Naleigh, whom she and husband Josh adopted from Korea in September.

Heigl recently left 'Grey's Anatomy' to focus on motherhood, and told ET that daughter Naleigh is blooming.

“Life is great, it's really family oriented right now which feels fantastic, and feels as it should be. She's still so new, Naleigh's still so new in our lives… They change every month so monumentally that every month she's a new kid. She just started walking this weekend, she started talking more last month, and if I were missing that right now, I would just be devastated.”

Heigl, along with her mother, founded Heigl's Hounds of Hope to honor her brother Jason and help save dogs from kill shelters. Jason died when he was 15 and loved animals.

Here's Heigl Thursday night, who attended without her hubby.

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Denis Skok

DreamWorks’ How to Train Your Dragon has already proven itself at the box office. Combining understated 3D, quality CGI, an enjoyable story and enchanting characters, it’s a coming of age story for misfits everywhere. With Vikings. And also dragons. The question still remains, however, as to whether the success of the film itself will translate into the tangentially related realm of videogames.

Traditionally, licensed property tie-in games have been nigh universally underwhelming, at least within the context of recent console cycles. But with the success of titles like Ghostbusters: The Video Game and Batman: Arkham Asylum – not to mention X-Men Origins: Wolverine, a movie tie-in that was far superior to the source material in every conceivable way – I have at last allowed myself the luxury of hope for licensed titles.

Thankfully, How to Train Your Dragon for the Nintendo DS does a number of things right, proving that my faith isn’t totally unfounded. First and foremost, it allows you to train your own highly customizable dragon on the go. Which is pretty frakking awesome in and of itself. More importantly, it assumes that players have little interest in rehashing the movie’s script, and instead paints itself as a continuation of the story. The island of Berk and its Viking inhabitants are no longer besieged by dragons. Instead they have adopted the animals as pets. Assuming, of course, that Michael Vick is your idea of a proper pet owner. (Too soon?)

Yes, my friends, what is the purpose of having a dragon if you can’t force it into combat with its brethren? You do so by taking the role of movie characters Hiccup or Astrid in a continuing quest to become the ultimate dragon trainer. Activision and Griptonite Games have gone to great lengths to give this RPG-lite wings legs, and, more often than not, succeed.

As you fight your way through both random encounters with wild dragons and matches against your local rivals (including Snotlout Jorgenson and the Thorston twins), you acquire money and resources to better outfit your pet while your dragon acquires experience that boosts stats and unlocks new attacks from a fairly comprehensive skill tree. It’s these attacks and the way they work within the unique battle system that gives How to Train Your Dragon its first real win.

Combat is turn-based, but, rather than rely on things like mana or energy, each of these moves has an attached “time cost” that is deducted from a single replenishing bar. Low damage attacks and minor buffs use a little time, allowing for multiple instances, as opposed to major attacks which do significantly more damage at the expense of leaving your dragon easily vulnerable to retaliation as the time meter recharges. Finding the proper balance between quick bursts and time-consuming haymakers gives what’s easily perceived as a kiddie title some true depth.

There’s also an additional level of strategy that comes in the form of special attacks. A secondary meter builds up as combat progresses and, once filled, allows you to unleash a powered-up version of one of your regular attack moves, typically with spectacular results. In order to do so properly, however, you must complete an on-screen mini-game reminiscent of the quick-time events in (decidedly big boy) games like God of War of Resident Evil 4.

These combat sequences are ably padded by additional mini-games that encompass everything from the banal (flying through an obstacle course) to the sublime (crafting your own dragon armor by blowing into the mic to stoke the fire and rubbing the screen to polish the finished product). In many respects, How to Train Your Dragon makes great use of the DS’s functionality, as the game interface itself is entirely touch-based. Dragging your stylus from point to point to make Hiccup run the fixed paths of Berk, on the other hand, gets a bit tedious.

Sadly, so do the various fetch-quests that you must undertake to gather supplies to power up your dragon and upgrade his armor. The game’s visuals are equally uninspired. The map screen is bland and its landmarks, including important places the shop and the forge, are indistinct. The battle scenes themselves seem well animated, but the character models are rather jagged and occasionally muddied by too much random customization.

The cut scenes are nice enough, visually speaking, and the related voice acting is acceptable if oddly sparse. The same can be said for the sound direction in general; music and sound effects are suitable if not stellar.

How to Train Your Dragon is a rare jewel among licensed movie games in that it is genuinely worth playing. Of course said jewel is far from polished to perfection. That being said, it’s a bit of a hard sell at a $30 price tag. Unless, of course, you and the geeklings are rabid fans of the property itself it might be advisable to wait and pick this one up on the cheap. Still, if you’re looking for a solid play experience that’s also a kid-friendly foray into the realm of the turn-based strategy RPG, How to Train Your Dragon will suit nicely.

WIRED: a fun continuation to a fantastic film, great core gameplay mechanic, nice use of touch screen and microphone, good overall production value

TIRED: uneven play experience, muddy graphics, it’s pretty much just Pokemon except everyone has Charizard

Review material provided by Activision

I’m mostly in lurker mode through all your work/posts/commenters through this “torture doc” process. My interest is to comprehend it thoroughly. Don’t really know purposes of everyone participating here and related (Leopold/Kaye etc.), but for me purpose is to solidify and detail conditions in the world/USA etc., as this whole torture saga is (again, for me) a bell weather “canary in the mine” condition: all that it encompasses… the people involved, the ferocious misrepresented advocacy and misrepresentation to the public, the corrosive affect on institutions/gov AND cause/effect response internationally… again for me, at the very least, comprehending severe moral hazards as they exist is a required known.

With that said, your comment:

Because, as I pointed out here, they want to describe this as an “evolution,” but they’re basing that evolution on his diaries, which they had from the start. So if they’re claiming they’ve just decided the diaries are the only truthful way of determining who he was, then it means they ignoerd it to sustain claims that he was more than that.

I would assume that would be obvious to most who have followed your detailing of this. I find, however, that at times details tend to overwhelm the mind and I have to “step back” and take a few breaths.

But in that statement, the process of slip-shod moment-in-time assessments used as foundation upon which to propel wide ranging action, w/subsequent slip-shod >> more actions… rinse & repeat, on and on, error upon error… mess upon mess.

This is the “condition of things” out there. Looks to me like a tapestry, much wider and deeper, and much much more corrosive seen in it’s entirety than individual pieces and parts along the way.

So when you say:

This is the Iraq war all over again for them.

… for me anyway, I am always mindful of just that. Part of the larger tapestry, exemplary of enough individual events to constitute a way of doing this on such a scale that this way sucks the vitality out of so much else, sickening people who aren’t already corrupted, so on and so forth.

At the core, all the torture details are in most fundamental core, institutionalized dishonesty (lies). And this core was expressed through much more than 9/11 >> Iraq >> torture and that whole continuum.

The deceptions were expressed in most every avenue of government under the Bush Years: econ & all it’s related tentacles (SEC/FED/TREASURY/FICA-HUD, etc. etc.). It was expressed through the whole Ca. Energy Crisis/Enron thing, and in fact a whole process there similar to what topic of your article here was:

* lie about original cause (Ca. shortage of generation)
* Stock FERC w/cronies to “toe the line” (don’t look)
* ignored the forced/timed blackouts, ignored cutoff gas supply from Texas, not even look at generator plant shutdowns, etc. etc.
* Squeeze and force higher gas (fuel) prices based on fruadulent shortage.

After it was over… +/- 2 yrs after the fact, after saturating media w/original notions:
* CA. had it coming w/”not in our backyard” mentality
* ENRON (and related… there were many others) embodied morally grounded “free market” principles

… and FERC’s public denial of crimes throughout, they posted on their website confirmation that everything that CA. (and anyone watching w/clear eye) could see and said from the beginning, which I summarized above. They actually posted this. They also mistakenly posted their agreement w/various energy companies involved: that in exchange for admitting and detailing planned outages, there would be no fines/prosecutions/PUBLIC DISCLOSURE.

That template looks to me near identical to what you’ve described/summarized here.

As public was being fed “patriotism”, “freedom fries” and “liberation” along the way, I vividly recall having conversations w/people who were looking beyond headlines and deciphering details. Among common statements I (and others… both locally, in blogs etc.) made, was observation that cumulatively… eg. everything Iraq, one mega-tax cut after another concurrent w/mega-offshoring i>everything, w/simeoultaneous pronouncement of “economy is strong”, then W’s privatize SS initiative…

It seemed as though, w/these guys utter disdain for most anyone outside their elite circles, that they were deliberately setting out to backrupt the country… financially, morally, culturally.

It was Blitzkrieg on every front… saturating. Far and wide media saturation, far and wide financial reorganization, far and wide military action… and all of it covered up w/cheap, meaningless jingoism and primate based metaphors.

So now, in what could have been a major cleanup stage… this torture thing process seems just like the financial thing process:
* crimes & lies well documented, well enough detailed for anyone taking the time to comprehend them to understand.
* the public (gov) institutions w/power & authority to do something about ‘em… each and everyone corrupted along the way, gets to a point where there is opportunity for an accountability moment, as in the DOJ AW “evolution” filing that is topic of this post.
* whether financial, energy, or torture… as this opportunity arrives, these authorities utterly fail to do the job: we get something like what we’ve got in this DOJ “pleading”: “fuzzy math”, meaningless dismissall of self-evident facts/crimes w/massive (and I stress that word) affects… essentially, it seems to me, implicit acknowledgement from feds that all this shit is now institutionalized w/in US government, w/fall out in culture a factor not worthy of consideration.

Not good, not good at all. The good ship USA taking on a lot of water these days, and captains are telling the passengers to be calm.

Very useful to maintain a clear eye these days.

small dog anti bark collar

Robt Gade

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I drank my first moonshine by moonlight, squatting in a culvert behind an elastika, or tire repair shop, on the Bay of Euboea in Greece. I was surrounded by garbage, and enormous fish skeletons kept darting past my head, thrown away by the guests of the party I'd just wandered away from. I clutched to my bosom an unmarked plastic bottle of tsipouro, a spirit (more of a ghoul, really) home-distilled from pomace, the residue left over in a wine press.

I sniffed and took a pull. Then came a lot of choking and spluttering. It reminded me of being tossed into a pool as a child, had that pool been full of iced turpentine. When I returned to the States, my friend Max Watman told me he'd begun distilling moonshine in his backyard. My first thought, even before I considered the legal ramifications, was: “Why would anyone want to do that, when glorious quality-controlled booze is just a Google Map away?”

The answer, in Watman's case, is that he doesn't see the fun in taking the path of least resistance. So he set up his still, as the old song goes, a humble yet gorgeous copper Erector Set of coils and tubs, and proceeded to learn everything about white lightning, from the Whiskey Rebellion to the wretched inner-city “nip joints” of today. His new book, Chasing the White Dog, is calculated to make readers wonder, “Could I get away with that? Would it taste any good?”

Last spring I visited Max in the Hudson Valley, where he resides with his wife, son, a yard full of Araucana, Golden Laced Wyandotes, and a blue-ribbon-winning Buff Orpington hen, and the coolest clubhouse an adult male is allowed to have–a little red barn nicknamed “Kansas City,” decorated with skulls, paperbacks, memorabilia from a bar once owned by Al Capone, and, of course, the still. We spent the afternoon drinking Jack Daniel's and Coors Banquet Beer, and by 2 or 3 a.m. Max was trying to convince me to get married and have kids, and I was trying to convince him to run the goddamn still already.

What happened between staggering to the corner gas station for propane and being ordered by an enraged wife to GO TO [expletive deleted] BED, ca. 4:30 a.m., remains a mystery. So I returned to the scene of the crime.

Remind me what we did with the still. I can sort of picture a copper coil, a white or maybe orange bucket, and a clear, hot liquid running directly into my mouth. Then I woke up at noon and found you downstairs with [your son], who was banging a pot with a spoon while you cradled your head in agony.

The keg stand (still stand?) was inadvisable, and I told you not to do it. It's no wonder you slept through all the early morning percussion.

Once the gear is set up, the process is pretty straightforward. You take a mash or a wash–something with an alcohol content in the neighborhood of wine or beer–and boil it slowly, catching the steam in a copper coil, which condenses the steam back into liquid. Since alcohol boils before water, you'll leave most of the water behind, and take out the alcohol. That stuff you were slurping right off the line was probably 150 proof.

What did you expect when you started White Dog, and what were the biggest surprises?

I expected something more pacific and bucolic than what I got. My research led me in strange directions, away from hillbillies, away from the Smoky Mountains. I thought I'd spend a lot of time at a party like the one in the old Mountain Dew commercial–a rope swing, a swimming hole, and cut-off blue jeans. Instead, I spent a lot of time reading federal indictments and working through evidentiary minutiae. I thought that most of the liquor I found would be good stuff made by people who wanted to carry on a mountain tradition. It's not that I didn't find any traditionalists–I did–it's just that they don't actually make much of the illicit booze floating around out there. The biggest still ever busted was a daisy-chained system of 800-gallon boilers in a building in Virginia; there were thirty-six of them. That's 28,800 gallons.

How did [your wife] take the news that you were going to be committing crimes in the backyard?

She's game. And anyway, our relationship is founded upon good-natured ribbing. Throughout the book I have a recurring joke in the footnotes–it's a kind of PSA for aspiring ne'er-do-wells–about “How to be a good criminal.” When my wife edited the book, she put in her own series: “How to be a bad parent.” Entries included: “Boil highly flammable liquids in the kitchen while everyone is asleep.”

You write, “Most moonshine is drunk by African-Americans in unlicensed bars called nip joints or shot houses. . . .” You visited a nip joint with “Skillet,” who “has been a paratrooper, a numbers runner, a crackhead, and a marijuana dealer.” You also met NASCAR great Junior Johnson and learned to drive a stock car. Which of these two car quests was scarier?

I'm always more afraid of things over which I have no control. It was scarier, for instance, to be a passenger in a stock car than it was to drive one. (Clearly, I overestimate myself.) But these things are fun. They might be edgy, but they aren't scary. Alarm clocks are scary. Politics are scary. Race cars? Nip joints? That's entertainment.

You spent a fair amount of time hanging around both lawmen and moonshiners. Where do your sympathies lie now?

The lawmen I got to know impressed me a great deal. Most of the law enforcement in this country takes place after the crime has been committed. Any time you have a group of people working honestly and hard to find the bad guys, rather than simply to mop up the mess, you've got to respect them. I also visited a big, working moonshine operation. The place was very clean, very well put together, and the product they were making was very obviously high quality. It didn't have to be–it's not as if the health inspector was going to show up. But they had pride in what they do. That's the only way I can divide my sympathies.

Last year a Los Angeles Times article criticized the genre Steve Almond called “shtick lit,” i.e., books by people who undertook weird projects in order to write about them. Is moonshining a shtick, or is it a lost art?

There are shtick books, for sure, but that's a dishonest approach to writing. There's only one reason to write a book, and that's because you think you have something to write about. We certainly run the risk of being forced into the artificial fabrication of originality–sort of like what happened with doctoral dissertations, where one must go further and further afield to find something that has gone unsaid. But a book has to be about something, and there's nothing shticky about an authentic experience that resonates. Moonshining is all of the above–a lost art, a trend, a continuing criminal enterprise, and, for some, a shtick.

Why shouldn't we leave whiskey to the big professional distillers?

Most people should. But those of us who want to get our hands on the process should be allowed to do it. I like to cure my own meat. I like my chickens. I think that if we can make 300 gallons of wine per year without legal consequence, we ought to be able to boil the alcohol out of that wine as well. It's an arbitrary line–spirits versus wine and beer–and it should be erased. This is something that people love, and they spend money on it, and if we invigorated the world of hobby distilling, rather than criminalized it, we'd end up with smarter drinkers.

Hot Dog Of The Week: South Philly Dog

Posted by Hawk Krall, April 9, 2010 at 1:30 PM

With the start of baseball season, millions of fans are preparing to devour ridiculous amounts of hot dogs across the country. Many stadiums have signature hot dogs related to the regional tastes of their city, or even the stadium itself. Philadelphia is known as a cheesesteak and roast pork town, but Phillies games have always been one of the best places in the city to eat a hot dog—especially with “Dollar Dog Night” and the Philly Phanatic's air powered hot dog launcher.

For the 2010 season, Citizens Bank Park is getting into the signature hot dog game for the first time, and recently put three different Philly hot dogs up for a vote.

First up: the Olde Philadelphia Dog with Amish Pepper Hash, mustard, and a pickle on a poppy seed roll. Definitely my pick for our signature dog, with more than just a nod to Philadelphia's unique old-school pepper hash hot dogs, still available at Lenny's in the northeast and the Hot Dog Truck at 24th and Passyunk.

[Photographs: Kris Chau]

Next up is the Citizens Bank Park Summer Dog, with fresh cucumbers, pickled onions, and ancho chile mayo on a pretzel roll; sort of a cross between a soft pretzel, chicago dog, and banh mi.

Last is the South Philly Dog, with broccoli rabe, roasted long hot peppers and shaved sharp provolone on seeded Italian bread—basically a roast pork italian with the pork switched out for a weiner.

All of the variations up for vote are all-beef skinless Hatfield franks, split down the middle and grilled in a good amount of oil, almost approaching deep-fried territory. The split-and-grilled style is fairly common in older Philadelphia and Pennsylvania hot dog joints, and a good way to get some flavor and texture into an otherwise very mild frank.

Not a huge surprise, the South Philly Dog was the clear favorite, with 46 percent of the vote. The Summer Dog was probably too close to a Chicago Dog for most Philadelphians, and the only people that seem to care about or even remember hot dogs with pepper hash are people who were alive during the Depression (and a few food writers). I really wish the stadium would just keep all three on the menu for the rest of the season.

The Olde Philadelphia Dog (left) and Citizens Bank Park Summer Dog (right)

You might be thinking, where's the Cheesesteak and Whiz dog? where's the pork roll? The team of chefs and executives at Aramark (who oversee all the food at the stadium) did a good amount of research and development, sifting through hundreds of ideas and several tastings before whittling it down to three versions that would be practical to serve in large quantities and appeal to the masses.

The Philadelphia Inquirer recently ran a terrific article outlining the whole signature dog selection process. Some of the other concepts were hot dogs topped with mac and cheese, a hot dog jammed into a mini Italian hoagie, hot dog and scrapple on a pretzel roll, a cheesesteak and whiz dog, and a bacon and Yuengling lager-braised Kraut dog on a potato roll. That last one sounds great to me.

Do I think a broccoli-rabe and longhot topped hot dog craze is going to sweep the city? Probably not. I'd rather have those things on a roast pork sandwich, or even better, braised tripe and veal. But I give Aramark some points for putting a dog up for the vote that has some roots in Philly history, and for taking the extra step of serving the dogs grilled, a lot more work than just pulling them out of a steam bath.

Hawk Krall is a Philadelphia-based illustrator who has a serious thing for hot dogs. Dig his dog drawings? Many of the illustrations he has created for Hot Dog of the Week are available for sale: hawkkrall.net/prints/.

Hatfield Grill Cart

Citizens Bank Park Stadium, section 125, Philadelphia PA 19148 (map)
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Stanford Racedo

Last night the remaining nine contestants on American Idol stumbled through the catalogue of Elvis Presley, failing for the most part to make any of the King’s tunes their own. Season-eight runner-up Adam Lambert blessedly livened things up as a guest mentor, and he was actually a great tie-in to the week's theme since Elvis also wore mascara offstage and the networks won’t show Lambert doing certain things below the hips. Glambert kept the episode afloat by actually giving some honest feedback, saying this season has great singers but a lot of them need to “wake up … let’s put on a show.” (And after weeks of the judges wondering what the problem is with Andrew, it was a relief to have someone flat out tell him his singing was boring.)

The mentoring segments were filmed in Las Vegas, which added absolutely nothing to the episode but did allow Ryan to utter questionable lines like, “Let’s see what happened to Katie in Sin City … ” And to make up for all the gay jokes in his wheelhouse that he would have liked to have been making last season (there was mid-season speculation, but Lambert didn’t publicly come out until after the season wrapped), Ryan made sure to tell Adam, “My tongue is not nearly as talented as yours … you know what I mean, with singing! With singing!” Adam gracefully responded with one of those “please shut up” smiles you make when your mom tells your significant other about your potty-training travails.

The performances:

Crystal Bowersox continues to impress and show growth. For the first time this season, she actually made a left-field song choice, singing an obscure (in Elvis terms) gospel-blues tune called “Saved.” Naturally, she nailed the vocals and arrangement, and her stage persona was more energetic, sassy, and comfortable than ever before. She’s one of the few contestants this season truly using the show as training for a real career later on. Simon said good things about her, but it was incredibly distracting watching Glee’s Jane Lynch in the background and wondering what she would say if she were at the judges’ table.

Andrew Garcia’s lounge-lizard re-conception of “Hound Dog” was the kind of thing that should have fallen into the “what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas” category. Even more miserable than his languid singing was his lifeless performance, where he doddered around stage like an old man and dragged the mic with him like it was his IV stand. With two people going home tonight, it’s really time to bid him adieu. Ellen was the only judge who liked it, and explained to Ryan that she liked it because she liked it.

After weeks of excruciating Sanjaya-esque performances, Tim Urban surprisingly delivered one of the night’s most satisfying songs. Instead of sullying “Can’t Help Falling In Love” with his usual goofy bombast, he gently picked at his acoustic guitar and offered a restrained, understated take on the oft-covered tune that was actually a bit beautiful. Ellen likened him to tequila (because she regrets him the next morning?) but seemed to mean it as a compliment, and Simon indulged in an unforgivable cliché by saying Tim “went from zero to hero in two weeks.” Is Simon now writing eighties movie trailers on the side?

Lee DeWyze continued his bid to be named Bowersox's runner-up with a bluesy, growling version of “A Little Less Conversation.” He’s finally loosened up onstage to the point where he successfully inhabits each song. Kara still wanted him to smile more and hop around the stage on a pogo stick, but Simon reminded her that “it’s about nailing the song and that was on the money.” Watch it below.

Decked out in his Back to the Future Part II-version-of-the-future finest, Aaron Kelly took on “Blue Suede Shoes.” Lambert advised the 17-year-old to put some aggression into his performance, but Aaron just looked scared and hid under a nearby couch. His performance was solid but not memorable — the main problem was the hopelessly outdated backing blues music. Kara applauded him for moving out of his comfort zone, but Simon felt it was too old-fashioned. Jane Lynch sagely nodded along in the background.

Siobhan Magnus gave us the soft and screechy sides of her musical persona this week, and the resulting version of “Suspicious Minds” was enjoyable though not exactly relevant, much like her Billy Idol meets Bride of Frankenstein hairstyle. Lambert looked like he loved her performance more than the others, which makes sense: Her voice is lovely, powerful, and idiosyncratic in a way not unlike his own. Randy confusingly likened it to the Supremes, while Kara couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that Siobhan is one girl with two different singing styles. Simon told her she’s lost sight of who she is, but Siobhan wasted no time putting them back in their places. “Even I can’t pinpoint who or what I am, but I’ve always taken pride in that … I don’t think it’s necessary to be labeled.” Shine on, you crazy diamond.

After his near-elimination last week, Michael Lynche sang “In the Ghetto” on Siobhan’s advice. Even though the arrangement was slow and bare-bones, it still came across as cheesy and a bit lame. Mike definitely should have taken Adam’s advice to ignore the judges and embrace his theatrical side — at least then he’d be entertaining instead of forgettable. The judges all give him terse praise, probably because they’re not quite ready to admit he may not have been worth the save.

Katie Stevens made an interesting song choice with “Baby What Do You Want Me to Do,” but she came nowhere near pouring her frustration with the judges into her singing, which was her stated aim. Adam correctly said “she needs to sell it more,” but all the non-Simon judges liked her grrr-face façade of anger. Simon told her it was boring and she shouted back at him, “What do you want me to do?” Get voted off the show soon, Katie. Is that so much to ask?

Casey James closed the night with an acceptably old-school blues take on “Lawdy Miss Clawdy.” It was good MOR white blues, but that’s kind of like saying The Biggest Loser is good for immediately forgettable melodrama. Still, his vocals were fine and, as Ellen pointed out, he did look “comfortable surrounded by a sea of women.” But perhaps she just said that because she likes to watch the muscles in Kara's neck tense up.

Odds and sods moments:

Siobhan opined that Elvis is so compelling to her because he came from practically nothing and became one of the most successful performers ever. Never one to pass up an opportunity to make things trite, Ryan declared, “Yep, rags to riches.”

Katie Stevens explained anger to us: “It’s like UGH! Not aaahhhh.”

In the long-running Fox tradition of attempting to sabotage people by implying they’re terrorists, Seacrest introduced Tim Urban as “Turban.”

Seacrest joked that Brian Dunkleman would return next week for Idol Gives Back. No one in the audience seemed to recall who that was, which means his joke failed, but Seacrest still wins, since his former Idol co-host isn’t remembered well enough to function as a punchline.

Reminding us of the importance of voting, Ryan shouted, “You don’t want to lose your favorite, because that would suck!” at a frail old lady.

Tonight Adam Lambert returns to perform, and perhaps we will finally be rid of the oppressive mediocrity that is Andrew Garcia’s singing. And with the save gone, hopefully Siobhan or Casey won’t fall into the bottom two and be forced to shuffle off their Idol coil.

Are you trying to find a landlord who will not only welcome Fido with open paws, but understand the pooch's need to use the backyard as a potty? Are you someone whose home-buying priority isn't good schools but rather proximity to a dog park or 24-hour vet clinic? If you had your druthers, would you forgo a home with built-in bookshelves in favor of one with a built-in cat platform-climbing tree?

Moving, whether it be down the street or from coast-to-coast, is stressful. So call it a clever marketing tool or the answer to a pet-owner's prayers, but the Pet Realty Network is here to help. The brainchild of British-born Rhona Sutter, the Pet Realty Network charges real estate agents $30 a year to showcase an unlimited number of pet-friendly properties. They can also upload their bios and photos. The fee for developers is $50 a year. The site, free to visitors, provides a wealth of pet moving tips. Sutter is also a Realtor.

Karen Numme, an agent with Keller-Williams in the trendy Los Feliz neighborhood of Los Angeles, joined the network earlier this year. Numme is a doggie stage mom whose five-pound Yorkshire Terrier named Shumi just completed a national campaign for Target. Numme, who shares space on her business card with Shumi, says the Pet Realty Network has been a tremendous resource for her thus far.

“I'm a pet person and know quite a bit, but they have information on the site that has helped me to help my clients. It's great!,” she said. There are links to local pet sitters, pet boarding facilities, dog walkers, and other pet-friendly businesses.

Sutter, who started the site almost three years ago, said it has more than 200 members now. Based in Naples, Florida, she said she plans on launching a sister site in the next few weeks that focuses exclusively on pet-friendly rental units. She also runs pethealthalert.com, created after a series of hurricanes underscored the need for emergency pet information.

The Pet Realty Network also runs an online store with pet gifts suitable as closing presents from agents to home buyers — things like a “this belongs to me” blanket personalized with a pet's name, that sells for about $30 or a Mutt Pack Traveler, a see-through traveling case that retails for about $40. Other items include leash holders and T-shirts with horse, dog and cat themes.

So, clever marketing or a real service? Probably a little of both, but I'd give the lady high marks for an easy-to-use and cleverly written web site, dedicated to Kash, the Golden Retriever who is listed as the former Director of Barketing.

Estimates are that more than 10 million families moved with pets last year, Sutter said, and focusing on buyers with pets just helps agents distinguish themselves from the rest of the pack, so to speak. I'll raise a paw to that one.

no bark dog collars

Craig Harradine

Are you trying to find a landlord who will not only welcome Fido with open paws, but understand the pooch's need to use the backyard as a potty? Are you someone whose home-buying priority isn't good schools but rather proximity to a dog park or 24-hour vet clinic? If you had your druthers, would you forgo a home with built-in bookshelves in favor of one with a built-in cat platform-climbing tree?

Moving, whether it be down the street or from coast-to-coast, is stressful. So call it a clever marketing tool or the answer to a pet-owner's prayers, but the Pet Realty Network is here to help. The brainchild of British-born Rhona Sutter, the Pet Realty Network charges real estate agents $30 a year to showcase an unlimited number of pet-friendly properties. They can also upload their bios and photos. The fee for developers is $50 a year. The site, free to visitors, provides a wealth of pet moving tips. Sutter is also a Realtor.

Karen Numme, an agent with Keller-Williams in the trendy Los Feliz neighborhood of Los Angeles, joined the network earlier this year. Numme is a doggie stage mom whose five-pound Yorkshire Terrier named Shumi just completed a national campaign for Target. Numme, who shares space on her business card with Shumi, says the Pet Realty Network has been a tremendous resource for her thus far.

“I'm a pet person and know quite a bit, but they have information on the site that has helped me to help my clients. It's great!,” she said. There are links to local pet sitters, pet boarding facilities, dog walkers, and other pet-friendly businesses.

Sutter, who started the site almost three years ago, said it has more than 200 members now. Based in Naples, Florida, she said she plans on launching a sister site in the next few weeks that focuses exclusively on pet-friendly rental units. She also runs pethealthalert.com, created after a series of hurricanes underscored the need for emergency pet information.

The Pet Realty Network also runs an online store with pet gifts suitable as closing presents from agents to home buyers — things like a “this belongs to me” blanket personalized with a pet's name, that sells for about $30 or a Mutt Pack Traveler, a see-through traveling case that retails for about $40. Other items include leash holders and T-shirts with horse, dog and cat themes.

So, clever marketing or a real service? Probably a little of both, but I'd give the lady high marks for an easy-to-use and cleverly written web site, dedicated to Kash, the Golden Retriever who is listed as the former Director of Barketing.

Estimates are that more than 10 million families moved with pets last year, Sutter said, and focusing on buyers with pets just helps agents distinguish themselves from the rest of the pack, so to speak. I'll raise a paw to that one.

Last night the remaining nine contestants on American Idol stumbled through the catalogue of Elvis Presley, failing for the most part to make any of the King’s tunes their own. Season-eight runner-up Adam Lambert blessedly livened things up as a guest mentor, and he was actually a great tie-in to the week's theme since Elvis also wore mascara offstage and the networks won’t show Lambert doing certain things below the hips. Glambert kept the episode afloat by actually giving some honest feedback, saying this season has great singers but a lot of them need to “wake up … let’s put on a show.” (And after weeks of the judges wondering what the problem is with Andrew, it was a relief to have someone flat out tell him his singing was boring.)

The mentoring segments were filmed in Las Vegas, which added absolutely nothing to the episode but did allow Ryan to utter questionable lines like, “Let’s see what happened to Katie in Sin City … ” And to make up for all the gay jokes in his wheelhouse that he would have liked to have been making last season (there was mid-season speculation, but Lambert didn’t publicly come out until after the season wrapped), Ryan made sure to tell Adam, “My tongue is not nearly as talented as yours … you know what I mean, with singing! With singing!” Adam gracefully responded with one of those “please shut up” smiles you make when your mom tells your significant other about your potty-training travails.

The performances:

Crystal Bowersox continues to impress and show growth. For the first time this season, she actually made a left-field song choice, singing an obscure (in Elvis terms) gospel-blues tune called “Saved.” Naturally, she nailed the vocals and arrangement, and her stage persona was more energetic, sassy, and comfortable than ever before. She’s one of the few contestants this season truly using the show as training for a real career later on. Simon said good things about her, but it was incredibly distracting watching Glee’s Jane Lynch in the background and wondering what she would say if she were at the judges’ table.

Andrew Garcia’s lounge-lizard re-conception of “Hound Dog” was the kind of thing that should have fallen into the “what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas” category. Even more miserable than his languid singing was his lifeless performance, where he doddered around stage like an old man and dragged the mic with him like it was his IV stand. With two people going home tonight, it’s really time to bid him adieu. Ellen was the only judge who liked it, and explained to Ryan that she liked it because she liked it.

After weeks of excruciating Sanjaya-esque performances, Tim Urban surprisingly delivered one of the night’s most satisfying songs. Instead of sullying “Can’t Help Falling In Love” with his usual goofy bombast, he gently picked at his acoustic guitar and offered a restrained, understated take on the oft-covered tune that was actually a bit beautiful. Ellen likened him to tequila (because she regrets him the next morning?) but seemed to mean it as a compliment, and Simon indulged in an unforgivable cliché by saying Tim “went from zero to hero in two weeks.” Is Simon now writing eighties movie trailers on the side?

Lee DeWyze continued his bid to be named Bowersox's runner-up with a bluesy, growling version of “A Little Less Conversation.” He’s finally loosened up onstage to the point where he successfully inhabits each song. Kara still wanted him to smile more and hop around the stage on a pogo stick, but Simon reminded her that “it’s about nailing the song and that was on the money.” Watch it below.

Decked out in his Back to the Future Part II-version-of-the-future finest, Aaron Kelly took on “Blue Suede Shoes.” Lambert advised the 17-year-old to put some aggression into his performance, but Aaron just looked scared and hid under a nearby couch. His performance was solid but not memorable — the main problem was the hopelessly outdated backing blues music. Kara applauded him for moving out of his comfort zone, but Simon felt it was too old-fashioned. Jane Lynch sagely nodded along in the background.

Siobhan Magnus gave us the soft and screechy sides of her musical persona this week, and the resulting version of “Suspicious Minds” was enjoyable though not exactly relevant, much like her Billy Idol meets Bride of Frankenstein hairstyle. Lambert looked like he loved her performance more than the others, which makes sense: Her voice is lovely, powerful, and idiosyncratic in a way not unlike his own. Randy confusingly likened it to the Supremes, while Kara couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that Siobhan is one girl with two different singing styles. Simon told her she’s lost sight of who she is, but Siobhan wasted no time putting them back in their places. “Even I can’t pinpoint who or what I am, but I’ve always taken pride in that … I don’t think it’s necessary to be labeled.” Shine on, you crazy diamond.

After his near-elimination last week, Michael Lynche sang “In the Ghetto” on Siobhan’s advice. Even though the arrangement was slow and bare-bones, it still came across as cheesy and a bit lame. Mike definitely should have taken Adam’s advice to ignore the judges and embrace his theatrical side — at least then he’d be entertaining instead of forgettable. The judges all give him terse praise, probably because they’re not quite ready to admit he may not have been worth the save.

Katie Stevens made an interesting song choice with “Baby What Do You Want Me to Do,” but she came nowhere near pouring her frustration with the judges into her singing, which was her stated aim. Adam correctly said “she needs to sell it more,” but all the non-Simon judges liked her grrr-face façade of anger. Simon told her it was boring and she shouted back at him, “What do you want me to do?” Get voted off the show soon, Katie. Is that so much to ask?

Casey James closed the night with an acceptably old-school blues take on “Lawdy Miss Clawdy.” It was good MOR white blues, but that’s kind of like saying The Biggest Loser is good for immediately forgettable melodrama. Still, his vocals were fine and, as Ellen pointed out, he did look “comfortable surrounded by a sea of women.” But perhaps she just said that because she likes to watch the muscles in Kara's neck tense up.

Odds and sods moments:

Siobhan opined that Elvis is so compelling to her because he came from practically nothing and became one of the most successful performers ever. Never one to pass up an opportunity to make things trite, Ryan declared, “Yep, rags to riches.”

Katie Stevens explained anger to us: “It’s like UGH! Not aaahhhh.”

In the long-running Fox tradition of attempting to sabotage people by implying they’re terrorists, Seacrest introduced Tim Urban as “Turban.”

Seacrest joked that Brian Dunkleman would return next week for Idol Gives Back. No one in the audience seemed to recall who that was, which means his joke failed, but Seacrest still wins, since his former Idol co-host isn’t remembered well enough to function as a punchline.

Reminding us of the importance of voting, Ryan shouted, “You don’t want to lose your favorite, because that would suck!” at a frail old lady.

Tonight Adam Lambert returns to perform, and perhaps we will finally be rid of the oppressive mediocrity that is Andrew Garcia’s singing. And with the save gone, hopefully Siobhan or Casey won’t fall into the bottom two and be forced to shuffle off their Idol coil.

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Lindsay Marsette

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